Monday, February 3, 2014

Flare (mini-flare)? + pictures

Last week was pretty difficult all around.  It felt like it might have been a week-long flare.  Since I'm new at this withdrawal thing, I'm only starting to get a sense of what a flare is like for me.  It could have been a mini-flare.  I hope not!  I hope that's the worst it gets!

I spent most of the week in bed, as it was difficult and very irritating to move my body even in the smallest or slightest motion.  I worked and taught piano lessons when I was feeling strong, but took time off when necessary (and tried not to feel bad about it).

Emotionally, it was probably the worst that I've felt since starting withdrawals.  I was depressed pretty much all week.  It's not that I wasn't feeling hopeful about the future--because I am hopeful and I know that I'm on the road to healing.  It wasn't that I felt sorry for myself, either--everyone in the world has issues and I don't have any feelings of "Why me?".  As it was, I barely felt like speaking or thinking, even.  I just wanted to be a vegetable--alive, but not required to do much of anything, other than exist.   

There were, however, a few good moments.  On Friday evening (when the following photos were taken), my wonderful friend Kelly came over with her husband and 2 girls for a visit.  For some odd reason, I felt like I was able to cook--so Christopher & I made the dinner together--and everyone enjoyed a nice meal together.  It was a nice distraction amidst a difficult week.  

Then my parents drove in from Pittsburgh and stayed with us all weekend.  They helped with some things around the house (we just moved to a new home last month and still have lots of settling to do).  Their help was so appreciated and it was nice to have them here for a few days.  I felt bad because I wasn't in the best of spirits during their visit, but they're my parents and thankfully they love me anyhow. ;)  Thanks, family!

FRIDAY, 1/31 (4 days ago)

Morning, post-shower.

In daylight.  The camera made my skin look smoother than it actually was, but you can still see the pinkness covering my face/neck/chest.  You can see a few spots of normal skin coloration (particularly on my nose, ear and along my hairline).

Later that same evening.

SUNDAY, 2/2 (last night):

Much smoother and temporarily stronger. Hope it lasts for a few days?!

My left hand and arms, however, look a little bit worse.

This was last week:

This was last night:

On a sidenote, I've discovered that I enjoy tying my hair up in a scarf.  Not only does it make me feel more comfortable--no hair coming down and touching my neck or face!--but it also covers up my hair (that is absolutely desperate for a cut) in a cute way!


  1. I love your scarf experimenting!
    Reading through this dear sister, I wish, oh how I wish I could just make it all go away. I wish I had words of encouragement or something, anything that would uplift you. But, what do you say really?
    Please don't discount your struggle because you think someone else may have it worse. It doesn't mean your pain is any less than theirs, you know?
    I pray, I pray that this road is short. I pray that the distant future you see is closer then you may think. And I pray that Jesus would be your sweet comforter through all of this. He is the ultimate healer, dear one and he loves you. I pray for healing over your entire body, from the top of your head to the bottom of your feet!!!
    I pray that you find yourself in high spirits tomorrow.
    I love you dear sister!