Sunday, January 19, 2014

Flakes & dry skin.

Since stopping steroids at the beginning of the new year, I've basically been forced to take 2 showers every day--one in the morning and one before bed.  I've always been a shower-in-the-morning type of person, so when the evening hours roll around, it's sometimes difficult to convince myself that I *absolutely must* take another shower.  I usually feel somewhat lazy at this point in the evening and just the thought of showering seems tiresome, but I'm coming to learn the consequences that I'll encounter the next morning if I don't follow through.....

I'll wake up the following morning, sit up and witness a blizzard of skin flakes falling onto my lap....

And then I'll proceed to the bathroom mirror to see this awful sight....

And then I'll want to cry the whole morning away.

Last night I thought about taking a shower a few times throughout the course of the evening, but I kept procrastinating until I finally fell asleep without doing it.  And now I'm sitting here telling myself that I can never let this happen again.

The necessity of the evening shower is this: I need to moisturize before bedtime.  But I can't simply put moisturizer onto my awfully dry skin.  The very second that you put something moist & creamy onto severely dry skin, you experience intense burning followed by hours of itching.  Showering must proceed moisturizing.  The skin must be softened and the pores opened for the moisturizer to be comfortably (and painlessly) applied.

Showering and moisturizing in the evening will not make the next morning an absolute cakewalk.  But it will make it a little more tolerable.

Tonight I'll take my second shower, most definitely.

Saturday, January 18, 2014

Snippet of photos over time.

To continue my introduction, I wanted to start with some photos which show a brief overview of my skin over the course of the past couple years.  This is, by no means, a complete representation of what my skin has gone through.  It's just a brief glance...










In the midst of using steroids.  Still not completely clear, but much better.

4 days of not using steroids and it already looks like this.


This last photo was taken just a few days ago.  Haven't used steroids since Dec. 30.

Have enough yet?  Looking at these photos is so exhausting for me now.  Although there's only a dozen photos here, this tells the daily story of a 2 year journey that is still continuing on.  There were very few "good days" mixed in here--I could perhaps count them all on one hand. 


Friday, January 17, 2014

To start.

I could have started this blog two years ago.  And perhaps I should have.  Perhaps I would have been healed by now, if I had.

Although 2 years ago wasn't the actual beginning of my journey with skin issues, it was the time when things first started spiraling out of control for me.  I've had difficulties with my skin for my entire life, however that was the definitive turning point in which my problems began to shift from "minor annoyance" to "huge problem."

But who could have foreseen this?  How could I have possibly known that this would stretch on for so long?  That the redness, the constant irritation and inflammation would still be going today?  That--for every second of every day--my body and mind would be plagued with an unstoppable and unquenchable itch?

From my viewpoint, this has been going on for far too long.  I have suffered so long and so hard.  When I think about how incredibly long each and every day feels like in the midst of suffering, I can hardly believe that I've endured this for over two years now.  That's at least 730 days of nonstop itchiness.   How can a person even tolerate something so wretched for so long?  Yet here I stand.  Because I'm alive and I have no choice in the matter.  This is the hand that I've been dealt.  Until it passes, I will continue to wage these heavy waters.

Very few people will ever know exactly what I've endured or what these skin problems actually feel like, physically (and emotionally).  In fact, I have a feeling that whenever this finally passes--someday soon or someday far away--that I'm going to downplay the suffering that I'm currently experiencing.  That I won't even be able to imagine what these current pains feel like anymore.  And that's okay, I think.  The ignorance is probably even going to be an enormous blessing, by that point.

But, for now, I'm starting to need an outlet to vent.  An outlet to write down my thoughts and feelings surrounding this entire experience.  I might think of it as a diary or journal on somedays.  Or use it to document photos on other days.  Or it could even be a medical or dietary record place.  Only time will tell, I suppose.

To close this introduction, I'm a person who prays and believes that God works through all things for good.  I believe that--and have already seen--many precious things will come out of this difficult journey.  Sure, I have gotten depressed along the way--and I surely will again--but let my hope prevail.  Let my faith stand firm.

...we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.  --Romans 5:3-5